English clubs prepare for Champions League action once more. Photograph: New Line Cinema/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar
IN BIG CUP, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM …
Turn out the lights, run the spooky music and find the man with the deepest voice to do the preview: because tonight sees The Return of Big Cup, the competition into which English clubs tend to venture as confidently as teenage campers gadding into a dark forest at the start of a cut-price splatterflick. Two seasons ago the Premier League's claim to be the best in the world was dismembered by a chainsaw-wielding psychopath — even if Chelsea, bloody and limbless, somehow managed to worm their way to eventual salvation – and last season even the suspense was killed early, as not a single English club lasted as far as the quarter-finals. In a bid to change the plot, three of the four English participants this season have hired new managers.
The English campaign will be kicked off by two clubs from the same city but deploying radically different approaches. Manchester City will tackle Big Cup this season with a revamped squad and a manager brought in specifically because of his record of overachieving in European competition; Manchester United, meanwhile, will lumber into the fray with almost exactly the same side that was played off the park by Cluj, Basel, Benfica and Galatasary in the last two campaigns and a manager whose European successes are as numerous as Saharan snowmen. "I'm really looking forward to [Big Cup], I know a lot about it" gabbled David Moyes ahead of tonight's clash with Bayer Leverkusen at Old Trafford. "I'm now managing a team that is used to getting close to the final stages," he added, cannily pre-empting critics by reminding them that Lord Ferg bequeathed him a team that has failed to get to the final stages in the last two season.
No one has failed more convincingly than Manchester City in the last two seasons, of course, but their new guide, Manuel Pellegrini, has figured out where they have been going wrong: they've been paralysed by fear. The Chilean has devoted his preparation to helping them chill out. "I have always repeated the same sentence to my players," explained Pellegrini. 'If we are eliminated, then it is because we faced a team that was superior to us and who played better than us.'
"Not because they faced a bad-playing team, [and were] eliminated without any efforts from our side. I think that this helped the players a bit, to let them feel that they have their qualities as well." A generous draw has probably helped more.
Join Paul Doyle for Viktoria Plzen 0-1 Manchester City and Daniel Harris for Manchester United 1-2 Bayer Leverkusen from 7.45pm.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Beautiful young eggs, eggs that need a mum, in this case a dad, to take care of them, to keep them warm during the winter, to bring the blankets and to work and improve them and one day we'll arrive in a moment when the weather changes, the sun rises, we break the eggs and the eggs are ready to go for life at the top level" РJos̩ Mourinho describes his Chelsea squad after being asked to revisit a 2007 egg-based analogy.
FIVER LETTERS
"Following on from James Callaghan's email bemoaning Big Paper's blatant snub of Liverpool [yesterday's Fiver letters], can I be the first of 1,056 Cambridge United fans to point out that Big Paper has not once featured the U's on the front page this season despite us being top of the conference for nearly all that time. I can't wait to see the spin you put on it at the end of the season when we finish comfortably mid-table – Paul Fothergill
"Qatar's 2020 World Cup Department sound visionary [yesterday's bits and bobs]. Are they having an early dry run to ensure that the real thing goes off without a hitch?" – Brian Saffer (and 1,056 others)
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"Re Monday's bit or bob reporting that 'players during the Conference match between Salisbury City and Chester were surprised to see a parachutist land on the pitch halfway through the game'. Was the parachutist booked for descent? I'll see myself out" – Mark Davies.
• Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today's winner of our prizeless letter o' the day prize is: Mark Davies.
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BITS AND BOBS
Jamie Carragher thinks Steven Gerrard is better than Paul Scholes. And Gary Neville thinks Paul Scholes is better than Steven Gerrard. In other news, sheep are still eating grass and the earth continues to rotate round the sun.
The Football Federation Australia are seeking around $43m in compensation from Fifa, if the 2022 World Cup Qatar-strophe is moved to winter. "If the World Cup were to be staged in the middle of our A-League season it would impact on our competition," flamin' galah-ed the FFA.
Tottenham Hotspur fans who use the word "Yid" in chants should not face prosecution, according to the prime minister David Cameron said. "Hate speech should be prosecuted – but only when it's motivated by hate," he parped.
STILL WANT MORE?
Ahead of tonight's games, Barney Ronay answered your questions in our our lunchtime Big Cup webchat. To find out who is his hipster team of the 2013-14 campaign (mainly because said team's manager had to retire from playing after falling out of a tree rescuing a cat), click here.
Agree with Gary Neville? Disagree with Carragher? Let us know if you prefer Scholes or Gerrard (or even Frank Lampard) in our snazzy poll. [Please note: poll may not be snazzy]
10 things to look forward to in Big Cup this week, featuring silky Spaniards, rich Parisians and the former manager of Preston North End.
There is something of the Emirates about Athletic Bilbao's new stadium, reckons Sid Lowe. We're assuming he means Arsenal's home ground rather than the Middle Eastern country.
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